Reuniting with Family in Washington DC
Kristian Fanene Schmidt [or Krit] was born and raised in Porirua, Aotearoa/New Zealand while both his parents hail from Samoa. He earned a conjoint degree in Law and Arts majoring in Pacific Studies from the University of Auckland and a Master’s in Education at Lehigh University as a recipient of the prestigious Fulbright scholarship. In 2014, Kristian shifted gears and went from lecturing in Pacific Studies to hosting for MTV Australia as a VJ. Since beginning his career in television and entertainment, he has relocated to Los Angeles where he is now a writer, host, and consultant, contributing to a number of media outlets and organizations. His work covers everything from cultural appropriation and the impacts of colonization to Pacific Islander representation and LGBTQIA+ issues. Krit continues to follow his passions for education, art and advocacy in working towards equitable outcomes for people from communities that mirror his own identity and upbringing as a young, queer Samoan.
KritDreaming is a big part of being queer. Dreaming is a big part of being queer and Pacific Islander (or as many of us like to say, Pasifika). Because we’ve often had to imagine a society different from the one we live in, we’ve envisioned worlds where we’re accepted and loved to get through our realities. And now I’m dreaming of how I can spend my next family reunion in an unforgettable way where we all feel uplifted.
Growing up in Aotearoa/New Zealand, I learned early on that sexuality, especially queer sexuality, were taboo in my culture. Pasifika people tend to be fairly conservative, especially when it comes to our understandings of queerness. Just a few years ago, Samoa banned “Rocketman” from cinemas for having a sex scene between two men, and in July, six Pasifika professional rugby league players boycotted a game out of protest in wearing the team’s rainbow colored jerseys in support of LGBTQIA+ Pride that week, reinforcing the belief that we don’t belong in society. It’s no wonder so many of us still stay closeted well into our adult lives. For many it’s a secret kept until death.
While my family shied away from mentioning anything sex-related, they never said anything homophobic or transphobic during my childhood either. Nor did they tell me how I needed to act as a boy. I was pretty fortunate there. Looking back and writing this now, I realize that they let me be me. Watching me dance in the mirror to Janet Jackson and TLC, playing with dolls, and putting me in gymnastics instead of playing rugby – all things most people in the neighborhood would label “girly” or “gay.” I never once felt judged by them.
Dad, Leini, Miki & Mum But home life and the outside world can be very different. I was always made to feel abnormal at school, at work, at church, and in the wider Pasifika community.
After moving to LA in my 30s, I finally found a safe haven to come out, live my truth and be embraced by my people – my fellow queers! I quickly realized I didn’t quite fit in. At this point, I had opened up to my family about my sexuality and I was living in a city that proudly waved the rainbow flag, yet I felt more isolated than ever. LA is a city that panders to a very particular demographic, one that didn’t represent me. It’s great if you’re a gay white man but if you’re not that, you’re a second, third, or fourth thought. That same lack of diversity and inclusion translates to the city’s Pride celebrations, too. I’ve never been able to feel a sense of belonging.
Pride and the entire LGBTQIA+ movement as we know it has been made possible thanks to the involvement of Black and Latinx trans women and femmes who started it all. However, they’re constantly overlooked in its history. So, where does one go to experience a space that caters to our most marginalized? I dream of a space where we can all hear music that we love listening to, where the food nourishes every part of our beings and leaves us in food comas, and where my family and I won’t feel alienated, but inspired.
Being somewhat new to the US, I’m still figuring out where to find those places. Thankfully, I have the ability and privilege to travel [not everyone does]. I’ve been doing some research and I have a hunch that D.C Black Pride and Capital Pride in Washington DC – aka Chocolate City – is where it’s at! After talking to a few people, it seems like the dream destination for what I’ve been looking for. The few times I’ve been to DC, I’ve had a blast, but I’m ready to explore more. One of my closest friends lives there, the clubs are popping and there’s amazing vegan food! It’s definitely where I want to take my family.
My family has given me so much. I haven’t seen any of them in person since I came out to them over Facetime in 2017 after moving to LA. Even with the distance separating us, they’ve been nothing but supportive in my journey to healing and self-acceptance, so I want to treat them by spending a few days in a beautiful space when they come to visit. The pandemic and finances have kept us apart (flights between here and New Zealand aren’t exactly cheap), so we’re long overdue to let loose and party together. And why not do it with a bang in DC during Pride? There was a time I couldn’t imagine life where my loved ones knew I was gay. Now I’m ready to set it off and show them who I am. It’ll be a time to remember and an exciting way to introduce them to an important aspect of my identity that I’ve embraced after running from it for decades.
Now that I’ve picked out my dream destination and my dream travel companions, I just need to find our dream accommodation. I want it to be somewhere warm and inviting that has character and helps mark the special time we’re at in our lives as a family. I’m known for being over the top and dramatic, but I’m also becoming more and more thoughtful when it comes to those closest to me. I want a unique, vibrant spot where we can all have fun, relax, and feel comfortable – a home away from home that makes us feel like no time has passed.
Looking through Vrbo, I came across the perfect spot: the Castle in McLean. And yes, it lives up to its name. In the words of Tiffany “New York” Pollard, “Just look at the material. You can be the judge of it.” Stunning views of the riverfront and beautiful architecture and interior design aside, it’s giving theatrics and has everything we need to keep everybody happy, including my Best Friend, Court. She’s been my rock through so many major transitions in my life, so she’ll definitely be there because she’s family. She is extremely particular about anywhere we stay and pays attention to the finer details, so I know for certain this place meets her fancy standards.
Court & Krit in NYCEverybody will be sleeping very well, to say the least. This striking home has six rooms with enough king sized beds to cater to my gigantic brother Miki and nephew Austin. I’m 6’3 but those two are even taller, so they need their leg space and this place delivers. The high ceilings and big bathtubs also guarantee we won’t have to stoop or contort our bodies to fit anywhere, which is nice for a change!
Then there’s the gym and pool. My Mum’s 71 and still fit as a fiddle. We can both workout and she and my sister, Leini, can go for a dip. They won’t skip a beat here, since they both love to swim together multiple times a week at the local aquatic center in our hometown in New Zealand. Did I mention there’s a jacuzzi and sauna in the castle, too? This place has it all.
And finally, let’s talk about the movie theater. If you know my family, you know we are obsessed with watching television and movies together. It’s one of our favorite pastimes. To give you an idea of how significant it is in our traditions, as kids we ate every meal on trays in front of the screen to the point that we once had a guest over and when my mother had us sit at the dinner table, I was like “Mum, why are you doing this?” She was really acting brand new (sorry Mum but you were!) We also watch “The Mummy” and “The Fifth Element” every Christmas, religiously. Don’t ask me why, we just do and we love it.
Great! Now that we’ve got the location and lodgings sorted out, we can focus on what to do while we’re there. As far as attractions go, it’s only a 30 minute drive from all the festivities, restaurants and museums. As with many other cultures, eating together is an important way we connect and bond. Not just any old food either – it’s gotta be made with love. Court is an amazing cook, especially when it comes to vegan food so I know she’ll want to take advantage of the Castle’s decked out kitchen and bless us with her creations. When we’re craving a foodie night out, we’ll head to the many banging Black-owned vegan-friendly spots in the DMV area. Some hot spots that cater to all our dietary requirements include Elife, Gangster Vegan Organics, and the countless options for Ethiopian cuisine the city is well-known for. I’m also a fan of HipCityVeg, where I had a bomb breakfast sandwich and strawberry shake. I stopped there on my last visit right before I went to the National Museum of African American History and Culture – the largest of its kind. One day was nowhere near enough to explore it, so I’ll be sure to go again with the crew in tow.
Krit & Mum in Las VegasAnother great thing about DC is that it’s only around three hours to New York on the Amtrak train if you want to do a little day trip into the city. If we decided to stay overnight, we could get a Vrbo in Court’s hometown, Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, and have access to yet another amazing home in a new city. If my family’s coming all the way from New Zealand, they may as well make the most of being on the East Coast, right? I know my niece Otila would get a buzz seeing “The Lion King” on Broadway and since we’re all bonafide Michael Jackson stans, the MJ musical would be a must see, too.
I can’t wait to reunite with my family. It’s been more than five years since we’ve hugged. Thinking back to when we were last together, I can honestly say the place I’m at today is beyond my wildest dreams. I’m living proof that they do come true. And I know this dream will come true, too. I’m excited to make our DC Pride adventure happen and look forward to the moment we’re all hanging out in that amazing castle, laughing, reminiscing, and picking up right where we left off.