Unlearning My Parents’ “All Work and No Play” mentality

Candy Calderon is the voice of a new generation. Certified Brain Health & Wellness Coach. Experienced speaker, and a trailblazer in the Health & Wellness space, especially for Women of Color. Proud Dominican-American, with Afro-Caribbean heritage. She’s the Founder of CEO Wellness Club, a brain health & wellness program focused on founders, executives, and leaders of impact ready to make their wellbeing a priority + Glow Wellness Tour, a digital educational platform, events series, and community for Women of Color from multicultural backgrounds, as she identified the lack of diversity and inclusion in the lifestyle and wellness space.

It’s my divine right, mami! This is what I tell my mom every time I tell her that I’m traveling (again) as a vacation, to unwind, or just because I want to explore my next destination.

As a certified Brain Health & Wellness Coach, I work with today’s top industry leaders, executives, and founders to help them optimize their brains for better performance and life balance. I often share with them the positive benefits, at a neurological level, of taking time off for non-work-related travel and exposing our brains to new locations, new activities and acts of relaxation.

Traveling can help our brain to function better and boosts creativity. Immersing ourselves in new cultures increases our ability to move between different ideas, think more deeply, and improve our outlook on life.

But this deep understanding wasn’t always my case. As a Latina, and a Woman of Color, I was raised to work hard. Traveling was seen as a splurge and very – emphasis on the very – sporadic. As a family of Dominican immigrants, both my parents had the belief of working non-stop sometimes to the point of neglecting their well-being. Somehow, at some point, traveling became a luxury.

Rest and relax? Just for fun? Olvidalo (forget it!).

So I made it a point to help them, and myself in the process, to unlearn the notion that traveling to our dreamed destinations was beyond our reach. To unlearn the “why bother traveling?” question, because for them it apparently meant stepping away from work and making money. It’s unfortunate, but it’s a feeling that a lot of older generation Latinos share. Luckily, I’ve been doing the work to unlearn these things.

Why work so hard, if we can’t enjoy the fruits of our labor? La vida se hizo para vivirla. Life is meant to be lived.

This Hispanic Heritage Month, I’m happy to be sharing this part of my familia’s healing journey to embrace travels, rest and relaxation, and perhaps to motivate you to do the same.

The first course of action? Motivate my parents to travel by leading with my own example!

Dream destination to kickstart the process? Hawaii.

I wanted to visit first to make sure it was everything I envisioned for my parents, and that it was indeed a destination where I wanted to take them. So this year I visited with my husband to celebrate our wedding anniversary.

We visited O’ahu, specifically.

Candy, and her husband at the International Market Place in Honolulu, HI

O’ahu is the third largest Hawaiian island and is home to more than 120 beaches, plus lots and lots of hiking spots. Mother Nature really shows off here. Did I mention the vibrant city life of Honolulu, and how can we forget about the world-famous surf scene? It’s not only the postcard-ready beaches, snorkeling, and swimming in crystal waters, of course. It’s the delicious eats and the shopping – there’s so much to do in O’ahu.

My Caribbean heart was dreaming of this vacation. Soaking up the sun of Waikiki beach (hi minerals, and vitamin D benefits!), doing paddleboard yoga at the beach, and last but not least Honolulu’s dining scene!

While planning our trip to O’ahu, I went to Vrbo’s website (which is so easy to use and navigate by the way) and a few things were non-negotiable for us:

• We wanted to stay in a place that felt like home, away from home. That’s why I loved the vast options offered by Vrbo. I found options for houses, houses with pools, houses great for families, and of course, beachfront houses which takes me to our next non-negotiable.
• We wanted a rental near the beach. Ocean view or beachfront preferred.
• A rental that catered to our “soft life” approach to our vacations (we always try to book properties that are aesthetically pleasing, comfortable, and with wellness amenities, so we can continue our regular lifestyle and support our wellness goals. We like to cook, exercise every day even on vacation, meditate, etc).
• Safety. It is of utmost importance for us that wherever we stay we can feel safe, that our belongings will be safe, and that we can have peace of mind.

Speaking of cooking, having a fully equipped kitchen on our rental was a dream come true. A huge part of Hispanic food culture, especially in Caribbean countries, revolves around cooking and our love for seafood. Our dishes reflect that. So having access to Hawaii’s fresh seafood was a major plus in my book.

While selecting the Vrbo rental property we wanted, I made it a point to find one with a nice kitchen, so we could cook healthy meals in line with our lifestyle instead of always eating out. Every day, we made green smoothies in the AM before heading out and we loved spending quality time in the evenings bonding in the kitchen while we both danced, had some wine, and cooked our dinner with seafood galore.

I loved that Vrbo’s website even shares some suggestions for places to dine (Hawaii’s dining scene didn’t disappoint!), things to do, weather, and nightlife. I highly recommend integrating Vrbo into your travel plans if you, like me, like things to go smoothly.

But I also wanted to go beyond the beach scene. For me nature is healing, so naturally, I wanted to hit the mountains. This was the perfect excuse to visit the Byodo-In Temple located at the foot of the Ko’olau Mountains, which commemorates the 100-year anniversary of the first Japanese immigrants to Hawaii. The Byodo-In Temple in O’ahu is a smaller-scale replica of the over 950-year-old Byodo-in Temple, a United Nations World Heritage Site in Uji, Japan. So, so beautiful. 

Candy at the Byodo-In Temple at the foot of the Ko’olau Mountain, O’ahu, HI

There, I had fresh coconut water which literally healed my soul. And of course, did you even go to Hawaii if you didn’t have some Hawaiian pineapple ice cream? Fresh-made at the concessions store on the temple’s ground.

I knew our trip wouldn’t be complete without experiencing a luau party! It is one of the most joyous experiences to be had on a visit to the Hawaiian Islands. Full of lively music and vibrant cultural performances from Hawaii and greater Polynesia.

And we wanted the real deal, an authentic experience, so I did lots of research and ended up selecting a Luau which had one of the highest ratings. If you don’t mind doing a crowded setting (I’m talking about 500+ people in the open-air theater!) and would love to experience this part of the Polynesian culture, the breathtaking dances, and an exciting fire finale, then you’ll love this experience.

The show was truly something else. We sipped on Mai Tai cocktails and enjoyed a lavish Hawaiian buffet, a sumptuous blend of traditional luau foods blended with Hawaiian Regional Cuisine.

The Imu ceremony (unearthing of the pig) brought many memories as well, as in the Hispanic culture, we cook it in similar ways. It’s always so refreshing to see how similar we are and how many similar traditions bond us instead of separating us.

Candy and her husband, at Chief’s Luau, Kapolei, HI

We also enjoyed a sunset and champagne cruise to catch Waikiki Beach’s breathtaking sunset. As you can see, Hawaii is a perfect destination for both couples and families. If you appreciate nature, tradition, and culture, then you’re going to love it and you’ll be in for a treat.  

This trip and overall vacation is one I’ll never forget. It informed so much of what I look forward to on my future travels and helped me realize how beautiful it is to unlearn limiting beliefs inherited from our parents or our ancestors— beliefs that no longer serve us. It is okay to break with those limiting beliefs. There’s so much freedom on the other side. So much Joy. Next time, I’m bringing my parents with me for sure. 

One thing I would say, though, is that if you really want to have a great experience and relax, go with sufficient time to explore all the treasures thoroughly this island has to offer. We spent seven days and didn’t feel like enough. If possible, schedule to spend more time so you can really enjoy and explore. 

I recommend scheduling some time after your trip to decompress. Visiting such a beautiful destination as Hawaii can be exciting, but also exhausting. You might need a vacation after your vacation, so plan accordingly to have some wiggle room after your return to regular life, especially if you live on the east coast. The time change can be brutal. 

Do you like to travel with your parents? Do they share some of my parent’s past beliefs about traveling and taking time off to enjoy life? 

My hope for all of us, Hispanic or not, is to do more of the things that set our souls on fire. That we live life on our own terms and savor each moment. For me, that’s traveling, meeting new places, new cultures, and enjoying great food.  

We all deserve a soft life, well-planned travels, A+ service, and a life worth telling stories about. 

Happy Hispanic Heritage Month, mi gente!