"Never before have I started writing the review for a rental before the rental experience wasn’t even half over. Never before have I been so thoroughly traumatized by experiences suffered dwelling within a VRBO rental.
The Gottlieb “Dimension” pinball machine is a classic game from 1971. It features prominently in the living room/dining area of this basement rental. A spacious man cave on steroids, to augment metaphorical stereotypes, in a lovely little neighborhood that’s within walking distance of endless Portland attractions and entertainment. The weather was idyllic, the bed soft and cozy, the shower water piping hot.
This bleeping flashing machine will bewitch and consume all your vacation time. It will break your heart, again and again with the liping out and going down that left sided red alley and take your 5 balls and leave you well short of the high score of 84,000.
This machine makes is obvious why the Fonz in Happy Days would hit that jukebox. It wasn’t to get a free song! It wasn’t to be “cool”! It was hatred for the electronics of the 70s. Electronics from the 70s were a thing of evil that most of us assumed were all safely rotting in a landfill somewhere. Harmlessly leaching heavy metals and poisons into the aquifers. But no! Alas, some of these demonic electronics still function to this very day!
Remember when Tom Hanks got made into a full grown man in the movie “Big”? Remember how it was weird how he then had sex with that adult woman? Well this pinball machine is another level of devious! That fortune telling thing was nothing compared to the raw deviltry contained, nay trapped, inside this ancient cabinet.
I don’t know if I can sleep here another night with this machine in the next room. Calling to me seductively.
A goading sign on it reads
“Only playable from 8am to 10pm”.
But even when the power to this monster is safely off, the bells still ding in my fractured mind; the lights still flash in my darkened soul.
But seriously, if you need to get the demons out, there’s a pinball bar 5 minutes walking distance from this place called the C-Bar. They have all the friendly modern pinball machines in a secure room. They all cost 50 cents per play, not like the 10 cent fee for the demonic Dimension machine waiting for you in the rental for when you stumble home.
Seriously folks, Portland in Spring, if it weren't for digital cameras, I'd have a 10,000 film developing bill. I mean DAMN!"
Guest: Ryan C.
Date of Stay: April 2017
Review Submitted: April 22, 2017