If You Love Dance Music, Concussions, and Climbing Everest Indoors—Book Now!Let’s start with the one positive: the location is fantastic—just steps from the train station. That’s where the charm ends.To reach the apartment, you’ll conquer four dizzying flights of the tiniest, most claustrophobic spiral staircase imaginable. We had carry-ons and still nearly needed a rescue team. Once inside, you're hit with a heatwave (no A/C—because why would you need that in a Zurich attic during summer?) and a pulsating soundtrack of Eurobeat from the club downstairs. We brought earplugs expecting street noise, but nothing can prepare you for your walls vibrating at 2am like you're sleeping inside a nightclub.Need fresh air? Open a window and inhale waves of cigarette and marijuana smoke—bonus: you'll get a contact high and might think you're having fun at the party you're involuntarily attending.And the “second floor” loft? If you're over 5 feet tall, say goodbye to your posture and hello to potential concussions. It’s less a bedroom, more a booby-trapped crawlspace.If this had been a hotel, we’d have checked out after night one. Run...don’t walk...from this property.